What Up, B?

(In case you're wondering, the mysterious pile on the right consists of excised dreadlocks.)

Blanqui: the Musical

Don't wait! Order tickets now to Broadway's newest smash, featuring such soon-to-never-be-classics as "You Won't Eat This":

You won't eat this, you won't eat that
Chicken or fish, won't make you fat

You're skeletal! (He's skeletal!)
So skeletal! (Regrettable!)

You won't eat this, you won't eat that
You annoying diva cat

You're a brat! (He's a cat!)
You're a cat! (He's a brat!)

And the bittersweet "Poop":

Poop! Ain't nothin' like
Poop!

On a mat, in a tub, in the hall, on the rug!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh it's poop!

Poop! You seen it, you know it's
Poop!

Under there, over here, next to that, still on the cat!
Ohhhhhhhhhhh it's poop!

Starring the dazzling Blanquinou, known to half-dozens from his many appearances on Blanqui's Blog. Blanquinou will also be seen in the made-for-television movie Paris & Nicole: BFF? in the role of Nicole Richie. Additionally, he will understudy the role of Peter Pan in the upcoming Broadway musical featuring Clay Aiken. "Dreams really do come true," says Blanquinou, "even for a skinny beige cat from Jersey."

His Royal Bunniness Blanqui Presents: Baconfest 2006!

Bacon? For me? What have I done to deserve the miracle that is bacon? (Answer: really and truly nothing.)

Bacon-laced quiche. Even more undeserved than the bacon.

Blanqui Knows Zizou Had a Good Reason for Head-Butting Materazzi, But Is Depressed Nonetheless

Walk it off, Blanquinou, walk it off.

Blanqui Draws a Conclusion

It's hot.

There's A/C in the bedroom.

----> Fuck the couch.

(Please excuse Blanqui's language. He is French.)

A Week in the Life

Monday's child is fair of face (with a slight chance of earwax)

Tuesday's child is full of grace

Wednesday's child is full of woe (because Clay never called)

Thursday's child has far to go (roughly 4 feet from one end of the couch to the other)

Friday's child is loving and giving (his annual sleepathon has raised millions for good causes)

Saturday's child works hard for a living (corroborative photo not located at press time)

But the child born on the Sabbath Day,
Is fair and wise and good and gay (so gay)

Happy Birthday, Blanquinou!

I know what you're thinking: feathered hair, how eighties!

Blanquinou & me, back when I was the older one.

In the days when Blanqui was more squirrel than rabbit.

Today, Blanqui, age 20 (approximate age in human years: one million), sports a very 21st-century fauxhawk.

Harvard: Enemy of Women

A letter to the editors of Harvard Magazine:

I consider your cover on the March-April 2006 issue to be pornographic, belittling of women, insensitive, and totally appalling! The whole magazine went into the garbage can immediately. The magazine is too liberal for this conservative. You can cease sending them to our home. --M.M.

This is the cover image in question:

It's the painting Ulysses and the Sirens by Herbert Draper:

Belittling indeed. Everybody knows the sirens were monk seals, not women.

Easter Blanqui

Cruisin' Down Truckers Boulevard in Ken-tuck-ay

Lil Baji's wedding was this weekend. It's really easy to get to her parents' house. Just take Truckers Blvd straight from Kentucky into Indiana and make a right at the golf course.

Both LB and the big B herself looked gorgeous, but I cannot post their pictures here because, although the photos have been leaked by the president's staff, the president has not yet declassified them.

Instead I present to you the next best thing:

Onion rings!

Wigs!

Tomorrow's Styles Today!

These are the styles! You can have them today! (You could also have them in the '80s, but shhh...)

I can think of another place for those quotation marks. Also, an undiscovered aspect of the Alberto Gonzales vs. a baked potato qualification contest: Gonzales does the day shift, while the baked potato handles the night shift.

I want to get a bunch of these and start an all-girl group/gang. During the day we'll sing inspirational hymns at retirement homes and in the evenings we'll wait outside diners when the old people go for their 5pm baked potato and rob them blind.

No Matter Alive or Die

My beloved Chinese grocery store takes a hardline stance on newspaper pilfering.

Blanquinou Wins Koufax Award

Click for full story.

Cats: They're Just Like Us!

Shame, Thy Name Is Baji

Baji's "present" to me upon my visit to DC, shown in the condition in which I received it (minus 2 which TP ate right in front of me).

Explore France: the Flora & Fauna

The gnarly trees of Montélimar. The bathrooms were also gnarly.

Grandmother and granddog.

Like the Japanese homeless cat, the French SDF (sans domicile fixe) cat also grooms himself. This one's actually not exactly an SDF. He's not allowed in my grandparents' house, which isn't his house. He's also not allowed in the house that is his house. So he's peripherally very homeful, but not in an overhead kind of way. (And I'm the one who let him in the house. But not his house. My grandparents' house.)

Ouf, ze world ees so cruell.
(This cat actually does live in my grandparents' house.)

Magic!

Euh, ello, mai nem eez Monsieur Moustache. Juste louque aht zem!

Pleeze dou notte louque aht mai friende Mamzelle Ponay's butte. Ewe americaines ahrre soh rood!

Voilà.

"And where exactly do you think you were for the last five days?"

Explore France: the Gastronomy

Etorki, or Brebis, also known as Grebis to those who are small and who also think that Madrid is the capital of Greece.

Salade de lardons. Mmmmm.

Gratin dauphinois. Mmmmm.

My grandparents keep the chicken in the closet. Fortunately, they didn't feed us chicken while we were there. As far as we know, they're still alive.

The goose eggs, on the other hand, they keep in the fridge.

Birth of a french fry.

Death of a french fry.

Warning: Saucisson may be highly comestible.

There's nothing like a slab of pork marmelade. Really, there isn't.

After a four-day war of attrition, the United Charcuterie Republic succumbed to a brigade of hungry Frenchmen supported by an American coalition.

Pandas, Pancakes and Panda Cake!

False advertising: Waffles were substituted for the promised pancakes. Thanks a lot, Lil Baji and Lil-Baji-in-Law-To-Be.

Mama Bear. Or is that Papa Bear?

Panda

Panda

Panda

PANDA

PANDA CAKE