Guest Post: Meet the Squawker

Meet Ethel, Elegant Madame and Occasional Raging Bitch.*

"I'll sit under this Christmas tree, but I won't like it."

Ethel only drinks red wine. She has seen Sideways five times. (And don't bother telling her that Sideways is trite and clichéd, that basing a movie about wine snobs around the Napa Valley is like composing a paean to cheese focused exclusively on New England cheddar, a fine product but not worthy of that level of snobbery. She doesn't want to hear it. And she will bite you.)

"I swear to god if you persist in watching the Lifetime Original Movie She Cried No, starring Candace Cameron and Mark-Paul Gosselaar, I will bite you." (I persisted and she bit me.)

[*CDP, you know I love her. But tell her to stop biting me.]